Your spouse is a spiritual shield

One of the Ulema whose name I won’t mention narrates that I visited Ayatollah Behjat In the year of 2002. Ayatollah Behjat asked me where I have been. I had recently returned from missionary trip from outside of Iran but I didn’t want to say that I had been abroad so I just say, “I am at your service!” But Ayatollah Behjat continued asking, “Did you bring your family with you?” I answered, “No”. Ayatollah Behjat became very upset and changed the subject. What had happened during my journey (for spreading Islam) was that a girl fell in love with me and phoned me multiple times during my sty and asked for marriage. I resisted all of this however it caused spiritual problems for me. And Ayatollah Behjat in this way wanted to make me conscious that bringing the family with me in these sort of trips will be as shelter against such kind of problems.

And truly it is so. In a hadith our noble Prophet(S) says that if you are attracted by a woman go to your wife because what that woman has your wife also has. That is probably also why one of the times when it is recommended (mustahab) to be intimate with your spouse when you feel attracted by another person. Why? Because your spouse is your spiritual shelter. When your glance falls upon something attractive a spark of desire is aroused within you. If you don’t silence it and let it be there is a risk it will blaze up and consume your entire heart, just as a small spark during the hot summer creates huge forest fires in Australia. Cobb (Leonardo DiCaprio) in Inception says:

What is the most resilient parasite? Bacteria? A virus? An intestinal worm? An idea. Resilient… highly contagious. Once an idea has taken hold of the brain it’s almost impossible to eradicate. An idea that is fully formed – fully understood – that sticks; right in there somewhere.

However if you divert your attention from this spark of desire which arises in you by going to your spouse instead the desire will be washed away like the ocean that drowned Pharaoh with all the love, bond and memories you share with your spouse.

This common shelter between husband and wife is valid also outside a sexual context. In case an idea pops up in your head which leads you astray from the path to Allah a discussion with your spouse would help you regain focus before you make something crazy. There is a great wisdom in the words of the Prophet(S) when he said that when we marry we gain half our faith (iman). Unfortunately we often pass by these words without consideration and reflection and thus fall in many daily difficulties that affect our spiritual well being.

(References: Ayatollah Seyyed Mahdi Shams al-Din, “Hadithe Deltangi” p.176)